scumsuck

• I am being forcibly feminized by my meds
• I cannot escape The Art Exchange no matter how much I mute and block
• I am getting emails about The Art Exchange, so now I need to figure out how to mute and block things in emails LMAO
• I am getting posts from people I follow on Instagram about The Art Exchange, so now I am learning how to mute/block keywords on instagram.  And also unfollowing people who do not use keywords that I can mute. LMAO
• There are a lot of people doing The Art Exchange that also draw "the bad stuff" that gets you tarred and feathered and called a child predator.  Hell, some of them draw the exact same things/ships that got me :P
• Some people no sabe.  Sure!  Not everyone is afflicted with the Spongebob stinky disease I have, that makes everyone seek me out, stalk me, and go into my inbox to say "YOU STINK!!!", even though I intentionally go out of my way to not talk to people I don't know.  It's great that a lot of people can live freely without worrying about internet addled adults sending them pipebombs in the mail.  It kinda makes me feel 🤢 that I am constantly reminded that I have the spongebob stinky disease that makes people intentionally seek me out to shit on my lawn.
• Some people do sabe, but are very outgoing and just keep hanging out with the crowd that makes callout posts for them, because uhhhhh "i need to talk to people" or whatever.  Good for them.  I do not have the constitution to hang out with people who call randos online child predators.  It kinda makes me feel 🤢, because the company of cartoon-shipper pizzagaters is more important to them than people who are in the strange situation where they are attacked by the pizzagaters.
• Some people do sabe, but they are just like "they won't get me teehee".  Which is great for them!  And it combines both of my 2 previous 🤢 feelings that remind me that I have a group of people who follow me around to kick me in my nuts whenever I metaphorically walk outside in the public internet, and also that the company of cartoon-shipper pizzagaters is more important to them than people who are in the strange situation where they are attacked by the pizzagaters.
• I am also annoyed at people who say "lol you deserve it for making controversial art" ESPECIALLY if they are also in the business of being horny about RPF or noncon rape whatever on main because.  I don't consider my art controversial.  I literally don't even draw lolicon.  Lolicons are always telling me "your stuff aint shit compared to xyz".  People just make shit up from nothing because...????  I have no idea.
• I am also annoyed at people who say "lol you think that constitutes harassment?".  Yeah actually I do think that sending dms to people telling them to die and get raped is harassment.  And making a bunch of posts telling randos that "this person is a sexual predator" based on actually nothing is harassment.  And people mass-reporting you on various websites, from social media to art-selling platforms, is harassment and sort of lowkey some sort of strange wish for poverty upon the artist, and I guess it's "overblown" and "you're being dramatic" when you say that having no money can lead to uhhhhh idk physical harm???  For all the e-begging everyone does online, and all the googoo gaga tears people put on for queer/disabled/poc/other marginalized identities that are poor, suddenly its deserved and lol go die if you... draw a cartoon that people don't like??  Like literally it's just cartoons.  Like it's not even the """"""nasty gross sex"""""" kind that people usually say is "deserved".  It's just like.  Spongebob and Squidward standing 5 ft apart.

SIGH.  And it's always really tiring because it's pervasive EVERYWHERE.  Not just in niche cartoon-shipping spaces.  Like Steam is starting to ban sexual games.  And people are literally like "well they're only banning the gross shit rn like incest stepmom games so it's ok, if you aren't a nasty person you should be safe".  That also annoys me.

Or like when some stupid ass country denies healthcare to people.  Like women.  Or trans people.  Because "women shouldn't be getting pregnant anyways you stupid sluts, you just want to be dirty whores".  Or "homosexuality an dtransgenderism is fake and gross and nasty, and you are all child groomers".  But if you aren't a nasty person well you should be safe.  Right??? 

"we're only bombing and murdering the terrorists.  if you're not a bad person you should be safe"

"well we can't help but kill innocent people in the crossfire.  maybe if they weren't harboring TERRORISTS then we wouldn't have to kill innocent people :p if you're not a bad person you should be safe"


IDK maybe i'm just really sick and tired of everything.  Especially because I have the type of brain that makes connections with everything.  The kind of brain that will not shut off, and of course the type of brain that gets told "lol it's not that deep kys".  But yeah.  Sorry that I have that idiot shit brain disease that makes me see one minorly unpleasant thing, and that sends me into a death spiral of thinking about 5000 other much more unpleasant things.

anyways

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i have to color a commission.  and then try to work on this tiny bookshelf idea i have with a tiny paper doll for promo-ing zines.  and make some small zines.  hmm now if only i could shut off my brain and forget about everything except Fine Dining.  And Breathing.